Everyone is beautiful.

I was looking through josephine's formspring yesterday and I was shocked when I see all the shit she gets for naming her friendship group. Anonymous people would call her slut and bitch and also ridicule her friends, some would compare them to other groups. Saying s.fly is better or nothing compare to Hnl or elite. What has happen to the friendly Internet? There's cyber bully everywhere!
It's not fair to name someone when you dont know them well. Don't judge people by their appearance! It's the inside that counts, not everyone is perfect. Why does people care about girls putting on make-up when they are just trying to be pretty so people won't call them ugly. We are insecure with our looks, that's why we hide behind our make-up. It's people who judge others that put us down and lower our self-esteem.
I hate it when people say he's too good for that girl, when a guy likes someone, it means that he doesn't care about her faults and ugliness. In my heart, I believe that everyone is pretty in their own ways, no one is ugly. People should look in the mirror first before judging others, or just get a life.

Fresh start

I am moving school next year and I am just a bit frustrated about the whole thing. I hate the thought of leaving the high school that let me experience the ups and downs of friendship and the nice teachers. Leaving all my friends have also had a big impact on me, I won't get to see them next year and now I have to make new friends and try to fit into my new school! What a bother!
I still can't believe that I got into this stupid school, I only sat the exam for fun and also to do it with Su ann! I didn't prepare myself to get into the school and actually move school. It's a big change and I have to get used to it since I have asian parents who forced to come to this school. I know they just want me do well in school and get a good result but it's still gay. I mean it was like 30 out of 200+ can get in and I have to be one of that 30 people! >< what is with this? I am not even smart, why pick me?
Today is my first day attending my new school, it's been good so far and I got to know a few people. The people here are so loud and there are a lot of curries here. It's kind of creepy, almost half the school is black. My friend Tim, showed me around and introduced to all his friends and I'm glad that I have a close friend here to help me fit in.
Enough of my complaining, I will just have to live with this and hope for the best. This is a good thing for me after all, I should be happy! Time to find an asian bf! Just kidding! :)

Bored

It's been so boring this week because the exams have finished. I have no homework and nothing to do. But I did go to Jesslyn's and Su ann's house on friday! We watched Mirrors at Jesslyn's house and we got so scared! I played with her bird and he was so cute! His name is Baby and he was sitting on my shoulder. Haha! After the movie, I slept in Jesslyn's bed with her. Sexy ;)
At about 3 something, Su Ann's mum picked us up and drove us back to her house. I played scrabble with Su ann and her sister. After that,we had dinner and a gang up pillow fight on Su ann! It was so fun at her house. I felt comfortable around them and treated them like my own family. I am so glad I found someone with the same last name as me and that I'm good friends with them! I love her! :3

Exam week

It's the exam week and I feel so relaxed about the whole thing. I barely study for my exam because I get distracted even by the most minute thing. But then again, I don't study for any of my test unless I am not confident about it.
Thinking about the holidays just scares me, the end of the year is coming, which means that VCE is just around the corner. I can't play around next year, I have to stop doing my homework last minute and start to concentrate in class. If I fuck my vce, then it's practically the end of my life.
I don't know what to do in the holidays, I don't want to waste all my money going out with friends but I don't want to stay home and do nothing either. I just want to find another job and go out working almost everyday of the week. For some odd reason, I feel happy working, knowing that I will get paid after all the hard work I have done.
I wish everyone good luck for their exams, and that they will do well! :)

Broke

I don't know why. But for some odd reason, I am really broke right now. I literally have no money and I owe my sister $100. WHY? Is it because I always buy presents for my friends for their birthdays?
But you're supposed to give your friend present on their special day...Now I can't go out in the holidays since I have no money to spend. I never thought that having no money can be such a pain, and that money is that important in life.
I will try and find more jobs to do in the holidays so I can earn a lot of money so I will never be in debt ever again. The problem now is: where can I find work?

Confused

Yay, I finally finished Chinese exam yesterday! LOL, I am so happy, no more Chinese school, no more waking up early on Saturday morning, no more wasting half my weekend going to school. NO MORE BEING ASIAN!
Found out that you were a bit depressed yesterday, through another friend. It just made me realized how distant we are and how you don't trust me at all. Well I wouldn't trust myself too, haha. Well my only advise for you is: love is painful, if you choose to love someone then you must be strong enough to endure the pain. If you truly love him, then you will want him to be happy, even though the person he is with is not you. Be strong! <3
I feel so odd for not being upset about leaving my school and leaving all my friends. Is this normal? Why am I still able to smile everyday and ignore the fact that we only have two days left of school?
I have no reactions. O_O

什么是朋友？朋友永远是在犯下不可原谅错误的时候，仍旧站在你那边的笨蛋~
这句话说得很好，我现在才发觉我做错这么多事但是每一次，你都总是原谅我。对不起，我太自私了，都没发现你是这么的珍惜我们的友谊。
从现在开始，让我当那个笨蛋。

Rain

Yesterday was such a rainy day, it's the best time to stay at home and just sleep. Spent my first Saturday without chinese school sleeping in, it was so nice. I tried to finish all my homework by Saturday because I need to attend my friend's birthday dinner.
 I talked to Heidi for the first time in a week today, she told me all about her talking with her baka no.1 and I was so happy for her, I am glad she is able to have a proper conversation with her and that they went shopping together. It just made me realized how lonely I was. Haha Heidi, why don't you talk to me anymore? >__>
Emily's birthday dinner was good, the food was nice, there were eight of us: Me, Emily, Monica, Karrie, Aerielle, Ellena, Steven and Kevin, Josephine and Farin couldn't make it. I bought a cake for her birthday, because what's a birthday without a cake? XD Fuck, I am so broke now. So sad.
We walked to Village and just sat under a tree in front of Village, random guys keep coming up to us because they know Kevin and them. It was so awkward...Oh well, it was a great night, I mean I guess I know Emily more now? LOL!

Nothing

I wish I had no emotions to anything. I wish I wasn't afraid of losing friends, worried about the people I care about, cry over foolish things, excited about meeting my friends, get angry when I have a disagreement with someone, disappointed when I am betrayed, jealous when they're closer to someone else, feel guilty when you have hurt them in a way that can never be the same again.

Friends

I went to Box Hill today hoping I could bump into you, but I guess even faith won't let my wish come true and let me see you, even if it's only one second. I walked around Box Hill, wishing you would be at the same place as me at the same time too. I really wonder why I care about you so much. Maybe it's because I can't stand to lose another one of my friends.
I hate the thought of leaving all my high school friends behind and going to a new school and not knowing more than half the students there. I am going to feel so lonely, everyone would have already formed their friendship groups, it's going to be difficult to make new friends. Well no matter what, I will put in my 100% to try and make new friends and hopefully hold onto that friendship forever.
I guess what they say is true, friends are your only connection in this society except for your family. Without friends, your life is not complete.

Lol, yesterday was the first time you talked to me in a while. I miss you. I kept thinking about you, so you would come back, and maybe you would think about me too.
Had the funniest talk with Josephine yesterday, to answer your question, "I have never thought if she was pretty or not" until you asked. Haha. You were so honest and straightforward with your comments. I am so glad I got to know you this year. <3
I had my biology unit 2 exam today, and I full on studied in period 3&4, it was worth it! I think I did well but there was this question that fked me up. I am hoping for 85+ :)
But studying and homework are not finished yet, I have a chemistry test tomorrow, maths test on Monday and my chinese written exam on Tuesday. I am so dead. FML
Today was remembrance day, a day to remember all the soldiers that sacrificed their lives for their country, australia. Lest we forget.

Tired

I am so tired because I can't seem to go to sleep properly the last few days, and that make me seem so dead at school.
I am tired of going on the computer and wasting my time instead of finishing my homework.
I am tired of people telling me what to do.
I am tired of looking at my group and seeing how separated we are.
I am tired of drifting away from my friends.
I am tired of not knowing anything.
I am tired of trying so hard all the time.
I am tired of being ignored, being disliked by others.
I am tired of showing so much feelings and emotions, because I can get too attached to things.
I am tired of feeling so lonely, tired of being alone.

Just another day

I couldn't wake up early today because I had a hard time falling asleep yesterday. I tried watching dramas to make myself go to sleep but I didn't end up going to sleep till 2am. In the morning, Joseph told me that he asked her friend out, and that she cried the whole night. I didn't know what to say, I didn't know how to comfort her at all. I hate it when I am so useless, it makes me want to punch myself.
It was just another tiring school day, except I had an English test today and I don't think I did that well. I practically bullshit the whole test. LOL!
Just another sunny day, and everyone doesn't seem connected anymore, we used to laugh and sit together in a huge group near the lockers. Now it has changed, it's different now. Everyone has changed in their own little ways, made themselves different so they can fit in, and adapt to this strange world.
Food and Hospitality was relaxing because I cooked an easy dish and I still failed! I BURNED MY RICE!?! Can you believe that an Asian can't cook rice and actually burned it? Fail whale. T___T
I don't know what keeps me alive, is it the friends that I see everyday, to see what my future job is?, to travel around the world with my friend? What do I live for?

I want you

'Wherever someone thinks of you, that's where home is.'

I will keep thinking of you, and wait for you to return.

I will wait for you patiently, until you're ready to be my close friend. 

I will make my thoughts reach you and let you realize that I am always there for you. 

I will never give up on thinking of you, because I want you to know that a friend is always thinking of you.

No matter what, I will keep thinking about you, and make sure you have a home to come home to.

I will keep thinking of you, even if I am being despised of, being hated, I will be a baka and think of you.

Friends

I am grateful to those that pick up my calls and listen to my boring complains when I randomly call them. Whenever I feel lonely, I think of my friends and that always cheer me up. I think that it's important to be there for my friends, so I always reply to their texts within a few seconds.
From my personal opinion, friends and friendship is probably the most important in life, standing in the same position as Love.
Without them, I wouldn’t be me. I wouldn’t have the energy to live my life and experience all the different emotions in life.
Computer, Internet, shoes, bags… I can go without them, I don't think I can live without money though. In this society, no one can live without money. But without friendship, I doubt that I could live for long.
Thank you, to all my amazing friends who have put a smile on my face, supported me, gave me useful advices and were there for me when I needed them the most.
You guys are my life, so I would do anything for you guys.
Because you guys make me who I am.

:)

6th November 2010

Today was our 31st day knowing each other, it's finally one month. Since the day I sent you that random text, I have never stopped texting you. In just one night, you broke through the bubble that protects me and changed my life forever.
Since then, I try to call you every single day because I am afraid of losing you, I feel that if we don't talk for one night, I will lose everything and it will be just another dream. No matter how tired I am, how much homework I have, how much I need to study for my exam, I will always make an effort to save time to call you. We talk about the most randomest thing, but most of the time is just silence, because we are always falling asleep. Despite of that, you will always listen to my boring complaints, my whining, my bedtime story, everything I say. You always pick up my calls no matter how tired you are or how late it is.
I realized now that calling you everyday may be a little overboard, if I were you, I would be annoyed, since I am interrupting your sleeping time. I think calling you everyday not only has an influence on my physical health, it also affects my school and daily life. Most of all, it affects you.
I will stop myself from doing such a silly thing, I will test my patience, test our friendship. If we are truly meant to be friends, there's no need for me to call everyday. This will be a challenge for me.  
I will fight my willpower to call you everyday,instead I will call you every second day, because I believe in us.
你就是我的阳光和氧气，没有你我就活不下去，虽然这样我也要学会怎样过没有你的生活。

我们的友谊是永远的。

Thinking about you

Today, you were missing during lunchtime, I asked someone friends if they knew where you were but everyone had no clue of where you were. After lunch, one of my friends, (the ones you don't talk to) told me that you failed biology unit 1&2 and had to repeat it. I was shocked, and I was worried about you.
I waited for you after period 6, hoping I could ask you 'are you okay?'. But you were busy talking to our English teacher, so I waited for you at the front of school until you came out. I watched you walked out, you looked so lifeless, you used to be so cheerful all the time. You walked past me without even realising that I was there. Suddenly, all these feelings just rushed in. I wanted to go up to you and hug you, make you smile. But...all I managed to say was 'Are you okay?'. As usual, you replied with a nod and walked off. I watched you leave and at that moment, I realized how much you're suffering because of everything that happened this year.
Right now, you're upset, you're hurt but I can't do anything for you. I kept thinking of ways to make you feel better, my head was spinning, and all I could think of was to give you some time to calm down. I felt so helpless, for not knowing how to cheer you up, how to comfort you. All I could do for you was tell one of your close friend to comfort you. I hate myself for being so helpless.
I went to work, because I know I would go crazy worrying about you, I needed to do something to get clear my mind and distract myself. I still care about you, remember that.
我放弃你是为了你好,我不配当你的朋友。
I am sorry for being such a useless friend, I am sorry I couldn't be there for you, I am sorry I can't do anything to help you.

Tired

I look like that, I feel like that, if I don't stop, I am going to turn into that. T___T  

I need to stop:

• leaving my homework till last minute
• calling you so late
• going to sleep so late and waking up so late
• not caring about anything
• working too much
• texting people that never texts back
• doing things that upsets you instead of making you happy
•  spending so much money on food 

I need to pause my life, stop for a second and look who is chasing after me. 

Start of my blog

I have been thinking about blogging recently, and I decided to go back to my blogspot and start writing blogs again. I have been thinking about my life lately, what I want to be, what I want to do, who are my friends, why do I try so hard, etc.
I realised that I am actually really lonely. I was sitting down one day and I wanted to talk to someone but I couldn't think of anyone to talk to and no one really talks to me. I sound really depressing but yes my life does suck. I always start the conversation on msn, I always call people. I feel like I am trying too hard, and that no one actually appreciates my hardwork. My ex best friend, we fought and I decided to end the friendship because I had enough, enough of trying so hard and hardly receiving anything. I know this is selfish, but I have feelings too, I am not God, I am not that generous.
I got detention for being late three times and that's because I always call this friend really late and talk to her till one of us fall asleep. I also left the phone on and it kept calling for like eight hours, fuck my phone bill. I am sick of this but I have to talk to her. It's my habit, if I don't do it then I will feel really empty inside. It's my habit.
I have also been working really hard lately, and I don't know why. I hate myself for not knowing anything, I am always unsure of what I want, unsure of what others want, unsure of my life. I am saving my money in my bank and people kept asking me what I am saving up for. I DON'T KNOW AND I DON'T CARE! 

Am I trying too hard? Why am I trying so hard? Is this what they call unconditional love?
I don't know.