I have been thinking about blogging recently, and I decided to go back to my blogspot and start writing blogs again. I have been thinking about my life lately, what I want to be, what I want to do, who are my friends, why do I try so hard, etc.
I realised that I am actually really lonely. I was sitting down one day and I wanted to talk to someone but I couldn't think of anyone to talk to and no one really talks to me. I sound really depressing but yes my life does suck. I always start the conversation on msn, I always call people. I feel like I am trying too hard, and that no one actually appreciates my hardwork. My ex best friend, we fought and I decided to end the friendship because I had enough, enough of trying so hard and hardly receiving anything. I know this is selfish, but I have feelings too, I am not God, I am not that generous.
I got detention for being late three times and that's because I always call this friend really late and talk to her till one of us fall asleep. I also left the phone on and it kept calling for like eight hours, fuck my phone bill. I am sick of this but I have to talk to her. It's my habit, if I don't do it then I will feel really empty inside. It's my habit.
I have also been working really hard lately, and I don't know why. I hate myself for not knowing anything, I am always unsure of what I want, unsure of what others want, unsure of my life. I am saving my money in my bank and people kept asking me what I am saving up for. I DON'T KNOW AND I DON'T CARE!
Am I trying too hard? Why am I trying so hard? Is this what they call unconditional love?
I don't know.
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